Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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