giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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