So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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