i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
