i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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