Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
