K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
