Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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