I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
