just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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