Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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