Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
