Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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