I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
