i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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