You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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