All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
