So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
