you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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