Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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