do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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