I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
