You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
