shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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