im gay
i know
yea but for you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
