I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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