Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
