His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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