So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
