you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
