The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
