i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
