I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
