my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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