Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
