I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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