The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
