come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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