I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
