I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
