Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
