This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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