Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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