Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
