Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
