You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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