i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
