State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm both gender and math confused
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
