I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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