I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
