Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
