I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
